i ate lunch today and i feel guilty about it. i'm not satisfied.
most people in the west eat lunch every day. i've been fasting from it in order to identify with those who don't have this luxury. my stomach churns and my energy is low; some moments are spent thinking only of what i will eat for dinner. but in my hunger, i am filled with a longing. instead of focusing on food i am able to focus on Christ. my lunch hour is no longer dictated by my physical needs, but by my spiritual needs.
i am learning discipline.
it is no easy task to willingly give up food that is readily available. or to resist from trying a new vegan special at a lunch only restaurant. but it is easy to search for God; it is easy to pray. and so, removed from the demands of my body, i am free to do just that every day during my lunch hour. it has been a good week.
i think the turning point came one morning when i actually looked forward to my hour of prayer. i looked forward to giving up comfort for the sake of something greater, NOT for any ulterior selfish motives. i'm not sure i've ever genuinely felt that.
and so, God is changing me. all glory to the Father, and to the Son, and to the Holy Spirit, as it was in the beginning, is now, and will be forever.